Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Blogs
My Trip to the Grocery Store
When I got to the grocery store it was raining, so I had to run from my car to the store so I wouldn't get too wet. I got wet anyway.
I got a red shopping cart out of the shopping cart rack, but it was covered in something sticky so I put it back and got a yellow shopping cart which was not sticky but it was hard to push because the right front wheel was broken. Also one of the buckles was missing from the kiddie seat belt, but that was okay because I wasn't using it.
On aisle 19 I couldn't decide between the Chunky Beef Noodle Soup and the Beef with Noodles Soup, Chunky Style. I ended up getting two cans of each and also one can of SpaghettiOs with meatballs and a case of Top Ramen, oriental flavor.
On aisle 18...
Wow, wasn't that fascinating? No one in their right mind would waste time, energy, and precious internet resources to share that with the world, right?
Wrong. It's called a "blog," and for reasons wholly beyond my imagination it has become insanely popular as a timewasting tool for the masses that rivals even the mindlessness of television and fishing.
Bloggers: In all the far-flung reaches of the globe, there is no one at all, not even one single person that cares, has ever cared, or ever will care about the meaningless events of your pitiful, insignificant lives. Do you imagine even for a second that anyone is reading your blog? You're wasting your life pouring all the toxic sludge you can shovel with both hands into the vast stinking cesspool that is the internet, and no one on earth could possibly care less. No one cares about your trip to the grocery store, so either find a legitimate form of self-expression or just shut up.
To quote Homer J. Simpson, "Ooh, a dancing Jesus! If there's a better use for the internet, I haven't found it." Well Homer, neither have I, but one thing I do know is that nothing could possibly be a worse use than the pointless, mindless, meaningless, soul-sucking horror that is blogging.
So that is why the Fnorkin Daily Rant is not a blog.
If this rant offended you, good! That's the whole point. If you want to complain, you can reach me here.
I got a red shopping cart out of the shopping cart rack, but it was covered in something sticky so I put it back and got a yellow shopping cart which was not sticky but it was hard to push because the right front wheel was broken. Also one of the buckles was missing from the kiddie seat belt, but that was okay because I wasn't using it.
On aisle 19 I couldn't decide between the Chunky Beef Noodle Soup and the Beef with Noodles Soup, Chunky Style. I ended up getting two cans of each and also one can of SpaghettiOs with meatballs and a case of Top Ramen, oriental flavor.
On aisle 18...
Wow, wasn't that fascinating? No one in their right mind would waste time, energy, and precious internet resources to share that with the world, right?
Wrong. It's called a "blog," and for reasons wholly beyond my imagination it has become insanely popular as a timewasting tool for the masses that rivals even the mindlessness of television and fishing.
Bloggers: In all the far-flung reaches of the globe, there is no one at all, not even one single person that cares, has ever cared, or ever will care about the meaningless events of your pitiful, insignificant lives. Do you imagine even for a second that anyone is reading your blog? You're wasting your life pouring all the toxic sludge you can shovel with both hands into the vast stinking cesspool that is the internet, and no one on earth could possibly care less. No one cares about your trip to the grocery store, so either find a legitimate form of self-expression or just shut up.
To quote Homer J. Simpson, "Ooh, a dancing Jesus! If there's a better use for the internet, I haven't found it." Well Homer, neither have I, but one thing I do know is that nothing could possibly be a worse use than the pointless, mindless, meaningless, soul-sucking horror that is blogging.
So that is why the Fnorkin Daily Rant is not a blog.
If this rant offended you, good! That's the whole point. If you want to complain, you can reach me here.
# posted by Ben @ 7:03 AM 
