Monday, April 18, 2005
AYSO
It's the age-old Saturday ritual. Time to load up the SUV with screaming children and ziploc bags filled with orange halves and sally forth to the local city park in a blaze of American glory and Rice Krispie Treats. There to experience firsthand the age-old American virtues of friendly competition, teamwork, good sportsmanship, and screaming your ass off at other people's children. Yay for soccer.
AYSO is not a friendly competition between children. It's an angry shouting match between stupid parents. Children don't learn sportsmanship, just that if they can't score a goal, they're worthless. Parents don't give a heap of rancid chickenshit whether their kids actually enjoy soccer games. That is, as long as their team is winning. If they lose, by God, they'd better not be having any fun. Damn kids.
What's wrong with you assholes that you can't let a bunch of fucking seven-year-olds get out on the field and have a good time? Is it that satisfying to scream with joy and jump up and down as the parents of the opposing team hang their heads in defeat? The players themselves rarely give a shit who won, as long as they had a good time and they get a snack at the end. But you'll be out there doing your best to keep that from happening.
You claim that your only purpose in signing Junior up for soccer is to teach abovementioned progeny the importance of physical fitness and good sportsmanship. Meanwhile, at 350 pounds and 120 decibels, you're flatly contradicting both of these fundamental tenets of the American Youth Soccer Organization. You may think you're exposing your children to the virtues of friendly competition, but if you do you're a dumbass. Your sideline antics tell a different story.
If you're that fucking competitive, why don't you get out on the damn field yourself? Because you're fat and lazy, and you're part of the same dumbfuck mentality that affixes "My child is an honor student at ___" bumper stickers to your SUV. Maybe your kid is an honor student, but it probably took you several minutes to figure out which side of the bumper sticker goes up. You're trying to live through your children instead of actually living (God forbid). What the hell do you think gives you the right to berate your (and other people's) children with your ass comfortably affixed to your cupholder-laden folding armchair? Shut the cakehole, dumbshit.
The problem with the AYSO is that they let this kind of crap go on. Last time I checked there was such a thing as the green card, but what the hell is it for if they never use it? If there's no threat of being thrown out, you parents think you can do whatever the hell you want. And you know what? You're right. That's the problem with the AYSO. Plus those stupid PLAYSOCCER bumper stickers make me angry.
AYSO is not a friendly competition between children. It's an angry shouting match between stupid parents. Children don't learn sportsmanship, just that if they can't score a goal, they're worthless. Parents don't give a heap of rancid chickenshit whether their kids actually enjoy soccer games. That is, as long as their team is winning. If they lose, by God, they'd better not be having any fun. Damn kids.
What's wrong with you assholes that you can't let a bunch of fucking seven-year-olds get out on the field and have a good time? Is it that satisfying to scream with joy and jump up and down as the parents of the opposing team hang their heads in defeat? The players themselves rarely give a shit who won, as long as they had a good time and they get a snack at the end. But you'll be out there doing your best to keep that from happening.
You claim that your only purpose in signing Junior up for soccer is to teach abovementioned progeny the importance of physical fitness and good sportsmanship. Meanwhile, at 350 pounds and 120 decibels, you're flatly contradicting both of these fundamental tenets of the American Youth Soccer Organization. You may think you're exposing your children to the virtues of friendly competition, but if you do you're a dumbass. Your sideline antics tell a different story.
If you're that fucking competitive, why don't you get out on the damn field yourself? Because you're fat and lazy, and you're part of the same dumbfuck mentality that affixes "My child is an honor student at ___" bumper stickers to your SUV. Maybe your kid is an honor student, but it probably took you several minutes to figure out which side of the bumper sticker goes up. You're trying to live through your children instead of actually living (God forbid). What the hell do you think gives you the right to berate your (and other people's) children with your ass comfortably affixed to your cupholder-laden folding armchair? Shut the cakehole, dumbshit.
The problem with the AYSO is that they let this kind of crap go on. Last time I checked there was such a thing as the green card, but what the hell is it for if they never use it? If there's no threat of being thrown out, you parents think you can do whatever the hell you want. And you know what? You're right. That's the problem with the AYSO. Plus those stupid PLAYSOCCER bumper stickers make me angry.
# posted by Ben @ 8:29 AM 
